My Thoughtful Spot

the perfect shell for this nut

When I got back from Chicago at the end of June, Daniel could barely wait to show me something he'd acquired from ebay during my absence. For just $20, he purchased a silk Chinese smoking jacket. He's wanted one for years. Every time we'd go to Epcot, we'd spend extra time in the China pavilion, in the back, where they sell their rayon smoking jackets for $90. Every trip he'd try on one or two, only to realize what a phenomenal waste of money it was, put it back on the hanger, and hang it up.

I teased him a bit about how silly it was, but quickly stopped after seeing how happy it made him. Besides, it'll never leave the house, so I don't really care if he wears it. That's a lot different from when he wanted to wear a hat on a regular basis. Yes, a hat. As in fedora. I put my foot down so hard on that issue, I had to let this one go.

And was glad to when I saw how happy he was in it.

weekend away

This past weekend we were lucky enough to be able to drive up to see my mom, sister and her family. The last time we saw everyone was actually at the beginning of December! That's far too long, especially when they live about 4-5 hours away. But when I look at what rotations I have been on since then, it's really no wonder. Jan/Feb was horrible for me on Vascular Surgery and there was just no good weekend in March.

When we got there, I realized just how long it had been. My nephew, who, in December, was no taller than 5'3" and still had his boyish voice, had grown to be at least 5'7" and had a deep voice! That was fast! But he's such a cool kid. He takes everything in stride and just shrugs it off. So while some boys are probably freaking out about puberty, his whole attitude is just, "eh."

Our whole trip was planned around going to see the minor league team that plays in my home town. Even though baseball season has been in full swing for a few weeks now, this is the first time The Grizzlies have been home. It's a great park; smaller than a major league stadium, of course, but that makes it more fun in a way. The food is better and cheaper! The fans are also different at a minor league park -- let's face it, if you're watching minor league baseball, you must really love the game.

I often like to score the games on paper. (Yeah, I'm a nerd.) My seven year old niece Zoe sat next to me and she was very interested in the whole thing. She wanted to try it, so I gave her the clipboard and told her how to record each ball or strike. We were sitting behind home plate, so I told her to watch the umpire and she would know what kind of pitch was thrown. In no time, she was recording plays! I'd have to tell her if it was a 6-4-3 or whatever, but she had the placement of everything down pat. I told her dad, who played baseball in college, and he replied, "That's my girl." But everyone always tells me that she is exactly how I was at that age... and for all the ages that have come before. My sister has even commented that she can't escape me; I grew up with her and now she has my clone for a daughter. So of course, I thought, "That's my niece." ;-)

So, we're plugging along and it's the top of the 8th. "Now, pinch hitting for the Tuscon Sidewinders, number 33, Trot Nixon."

Wait. WHAT?? Trot? Cowboy up Trot, formerly Red Sox #7 in RF???

Yep. It was him. I debated for a few outs if I should try to go over and have him sign my shirt. Two defensive outs away, Daniel, Steven (my brother), and I, decide to go over to the side of the visitors' dugout. The last out was called, and we start yelling, "Trot! Trot!" Slowly, he looked over at us; he seemed to be very tired. He saw my Red Sox shirt, gave us half a smile and a nod, and turned away. Poor Trot. It's okay; at least I got to see him.

Sunday morning, Daniel and I met Mom and her husband at church -- the church I grew up in. It was neat being back there. I didn't see anyone I knew, but nothing else had really changed much. The rest of the day was very relaxing, just hanging out. We started to head back home around 5:30 or so.

We've made the drive back and forth so many times that we have our pit stops all planned out. But last night, we were making especially good time, so we decided to try something new. There was a restaurant that had opened near one of the gas stations we frequent. I think it used to be a Perko's. Now it's Don Pedro's Restaurant, with a tarp stating as much hung over where a permanent sign should be. It was a great find! Authentic Mexican food, reasonable prices, and large helpings! If we ever decide to stop for dinner, this will be our go-to place.

I'm not sure when we'll be able to go back. Summer at the latest. I hope it's not that long, though!

wedding pictures

A few weeks ago, one of the patients we operated on came in wearing a long fur coat. We were in one of the procedure rooms, not the OR, so she brought her coat down with her because she said it was cold in the hospital. A long fur coat is a rarity, especially in Southern California, even if it is February. So we started talking about it.

"Oh my God, I can't believe she has a fur coat."

"Do you think it's real?"

"Of course it's real, she's a doctor's wife."

"What kind of animal do you think it is?"

I chime in that I thought it was fox fur, because it looked sort of like the fur that I had worn when we got married.

"You wore fur when you got married?!?"

"Where was that?"

"I wanna see some pictures!"

This morning I finally remembered to dig out the proofs of our wedding photos. We worked and saved up for two years to pay for our wedding, and we splurged on a few select items. Like the fur muff and band around my head. One of the things we didn't splurge on was a big wedding album. It would have been $1,000 or more and we just didn't have it.

In the nine years we've been married, we have had a few thousand dollars that we could have allocated to getting a wedding album. But who wants to buy a bunch of pictures instead of going on vacation or having a couple of fabulous meals? Not us. So all we have are the proofs.

Anyway, I digress. I brought the photos in and showed them to the nurses who orginally asked. They just loved the photos and really thought our style ideas were so neat. I stopped off to see some patients on the way back to the call room, but I hadn't yet dropped off the little gold box that had my pictures in them. Little gold boxes usually have chocolate in them, and residents are often hungry, so as I wandered from unit to unit, several people asked me what was in the box. I was a little hesitant to show them; I was trying to be inconspicuous! But now I'm glad I shared them. They all thought they were really cool, too. There is a beautiful shot of the church's altar from the choir loft and everyone was just amazed. I'm sad to say that the church doesn't exist anymore. In the wake of the church sex scandal, several churches in Boston had to be sold. Ours was, and it was turned into condos.

I haven't thought about our wedding in a long, long time. I haven't seen those pictures in years. I'm so glad I brought them in.

something good

There is no doubt that having Grammy end up in the hospital was a traumatic event to nearly everyone involved. It has left people raw, undernourished, sleep deprived, and emotional as only a family medical emergency can do. But towards the end of the week, there were some positive things that started to emerge.

Physcial therapy had been ordered for Grammy while she was in the hospital. There were people that she seemed to instantly like and people she didn't like or trust at all. And in the face of Alzheimer's dementia, you just go with it. After a few days of therapy, she did something she hadn't done in a year or more aside from sitting on the toilet; she sat in a chair and was out of her bed for a measurable period of time.

Now that she is improving, the family is looking forward to the next step. It has been decided that she will return home, but this time with a 24-hour home health worker who can aid Pa in the "nitty gritty" like hygeine and bathroom issues. Plus, they have approached the physical therapist that she really liked, who has agreed to work with Grammy in addition to her current hospital employed job and do physical therapy at home with her. She may go home on Monday.

Even though this week has been difficult beyond what anyone could have expected, some good has been accomplished. Finally, both Grammy and Pa will be getting the help they have desperately needed for so long.

grammy update

Literally seconds before Daniel was about to board the plane to New York, his aunt called him and told him not to come. There was no fracture, which meant there would be no surgery that would pose the greatest threat to her life. "Stay in California" was the instruction. "You'll be called when you're needed."

Now the question becomes "What next?" Here's where things are a little less clear cut. The deterioration in Alzheimers follows a predictable path. There are nursing homes that specialize in Alzheimers patients, so that's an option. But it goes against what she wants. But is it feasable for her to stay at home? Anyone touching her who is not her husband or daughter and she'll freak out. And her husband can't keep this up for much longer; he's not that much younger than she is.

I feel much less strongly about this than I do about her having surgery against her will. Living in a nursing home with strangers or having strangers in her own home are almost equivalent to me. In any case, I'm glad she's not going to have surgery.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

stuff

Daniel is on his way to New York right now to see his grandmother, possibly for the last time. Her determination is one of her defining characteristics, and one that I've always admired. She was one of the few women in her college class and had to endure all kinds of hardship as one of the few women who was seeking a higher education; she became a pharmacist. And she's stubborn. For whatever reason that no one knows, she is terrified of medical professionals. She has not been to a doctor in at least 30 years. And that's the way she wants it. She even refused to see someone who came to her home from the Miracle Ear store when she started to lose her hearing about seven years ago. But that's grammy. Because of the lack of mental stimulation of living an ever more silent world, the Alzheimer's set in that much more quickly.

So when she fell last weekend, 911 was called to help get her back into bed. But then she stopped eating and drinking and refused to get up. She had probably broken something. 911 was called again, but this time it was to take her to the hospital. Even though she couldn't remember if she had eaten lunch 20 minutes prior and couldn't remember Daniel's name the last time he visited her, she knew who these people were and where they were taking her. And she fought them tooth and nail. So they sedated her and took her anyway.

Turns out, she does have a fracture. I'm not sure where. And who knows what else is wrong... she hasn't been seen by anyone in the medical field except for me in so long. And I didn't draw her blood when I saw her. I wish that the proper help would have been set up for this eventuality. Eventually, for whatever reason, she would not be able to get out of bed. So she would need a home health care worker. Fracture or no, they could clean her, and help Pa care for her.

More than anything, I want to fight for what Grammy would have wanted. We all know what it is: to be at home, doing whatever she wants. And if that means she doesn't want to eat, she doesn't want to eat. The discussion ends there. And she will die at home. Not everyone needs to die in a hospital or with a fresh incision. But I'm afraid that, because she has such severe dementia, her wishes will get washed over by a family who doesn't want to let her go. As much as we are sad for her being sick, her wishes are not being respected. (Just for the record, Daniel agrees with me.) Anyone who needs to be sedated to be in the hospital probably shouldn't be there, unless they are suicidal.

After her wishes are taken care of, I can worry about consoling her husband and grandson and helping them through this time. Who knows... she may make it home again. But she may not. We all knew it was coming; we just didn't know when.

all new turkey day

First off... Happy Thanksgiving!

I wish I could give you all a preview of what miracles Daniel is creating in the kitchen today. Unfortunately, it is a surprise to everyone except the chef! All I know is that we're having turkey. :-P Over the years, we have found various dishes that we just love and we have most of them every Thanksgiving. We'll try one or two new ones, but we have our staples on a rotating basis. I have been assured that this year we will experience flavor combinations we never even dreamed possible!

Plus, to add to the fun while the food is being prepared, I'm going to play, for the first time ever, on a Wii! And it's going to be Guitar Hero 3 with the cordless guitar! I'm so excited.

I hope you all have a wonderful day full of friends and family... and good food! Stay tuned for the full menu tomorrow!

catching up -- and help me!

This past weekend was quite a whirlwind. My family arrived on Thursday afternoon, then I worked overnight. Thankfully I slept a bit, because all day on Friday we were busy. The graduation was at 5pm, but to make sure we got a good seat we wanted to get there 90 minutes early. Too bad we didn't realize we had assigned seating. :-P Whatever. It was a decent ceremony; boring as all graduations are boring. The university breaks up the graduation and has smaller ceremonies over the course of four or five days. But that means there is no meaningful keynote speaker. From there I had to leave and go to work. I was beat up at work, but wasn't tired when I got home. Well, by the time we went for our celebratory dinner on Saturday night, I was hurting. Made it through the dinner though. We got my brother a Disneyland Annual Pass... hey! He wanted one! Sunday we had brunch, we scrapped some more, and then everyone went home.

I really must say that I am so proud of my brother. It took a lot of work and dedication to go back to school after being out and in the workforce for so long. He had a goal to get his degree, and he certainly did it!

Then on Monday night, I did a workshop at a colleague's house. We had a great time, but it was a rather late night for me. This is what I gave as the hostess gift and the door prize.
  Hostess gift front
Hostess gift inside. This is a list of all the products offered by Stampin' Up!, minus the stamps themselves. Sort of a portable inventory so you'll remember what you have and don't order duplicates.
Door prize closed
Door prize opened. There are four pockets that hold large tags. The tags are blank so you can put pictures and/or journaling on it. It was really easy, but people really seemed to like it.

The next thing I have to do is to prepare a roast for one of the graduating chiefs. He's a rather secretive guy and I have asked him for some info. He hasn't given it to me, so I'm going to take that as license to make stuff up. For what he's doing after graduation, the only info I have is "private practice in LA." I'm going to think of all kinds of weird things... palm tree trimmer, tour guide to the celebrity mansions, cleaner of the cement at the Chinese theater... what else? I'm also going to make stuff up about his life. Like he was born in South Park, CO, and put up a picture of Cartman or Kenny. So, I need your guys' help. Help me come up with something funny. Weird jobs, weird things to fabricate about his childhood... anything. I'm desperate.

they're coming...

Tomorrow I expect the arrival of my sis, mom, grandma, niece, and nephew to help us all celebrate my brothers graduation from college! I recently saw mom, niece and nephew, but Kate was out of state. Can't remember the last time I saw Grandma.

I'm so excited!

dr. zoe

My mom and sister keep telling me that my niece is a little clone of me. Sure, I see some similarities, but clone? I didn't think so until Kate sent me this picture of her!