My Thoughtful Spot

candy stash ready for Easter... and beyond

Out of all the holidays, I think Easter candy is the most unique and the best out there. I look forward to all the offerings that pop out just after Valentine's Day, even if Easter is 6 weeks away. There are so many kinds that are made just for Easter, I usually stock up. Not only for Easter, but for many months after that. This year, my stockpile is as follows:

• Cadbury Mini Eggs -- 6 8oz bags
• SweeTarts Jellybeans -- 4 bags
• Cadbury Caramel Eggs -- 4 eggs
• Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs -- 3 full size and a bag of smaller ones
• Reese's Miniatures -- 2 bags. Yes, I know they're just like normal miniatures, but the colors they're wrapped in make me smile
• Whopper's Robins' Eggs -- 2 large bags
• any and all of the special See's Easter selection

If I'm good and loose the weight I want to before we go to Vegas in early June, this supply should better last me well into the summer. Well, if I can keep Daniel away from it...

a universal truth?

Yesterday was Palm Sunday in Christian churches yesterday, which starts Holy Week; the last and final week before Easter. I've always marveled at the events celebrated in the Mass. We start by singing Hosannas and carrying palms, which remind us of the enthusiastic welcome Jesus received as he came into Jerusalem. Just a short time later, still clutching our palm fronds, we read the Passion of Christ: the events leading up to and including His death.

As we hold the fronds that we just used to praise and welcome Him, we are, as a congregation reading the part of the Jews before Pilate, asking for Him to be crucified. Because, really, we are that fickle. Remembering this year after year is always humbling.

Another thing struck me as I listened to the sermon. The Father Deacon who was speaking said that, during our spiritual journey with Jesus this Holy Week, will be preparing to die on the cross with Him, because that is the only way to get closer to our true selves and allow us to more fully celebrate the Resurrection at Easter.

This is not a new concept to my ears. I have heard it many times over the years in church and religious education. But this year I heard it with new ears because I've heard it in another, seemingly very different setting -- in the Bikram yoga studio. The idea I heard expressed there is that your "self" must die so you can realize your full Self and that is best done with a consistent yoga practice.

For a long time, I've believed that if a concept is found in more than one religion (i.e., Christianity and Buddhism) or two different schools of thinking, it is very likely a universal truth that we should pay attention to. Good to know that by practicing yoga I can improve my faith... and vice versa.

Bikram slump

Many of you may remember that I completed 101 Bikram yoga classes in 101 days. This was, in fact, my first experience with Bikram yoga and it was great. Shortly after the challenge was over, I needed to travel to a place that didn't have a Bikram yoga studio and I took two days off. And promptly got really sick. Like two weeks of sniffling, head full of snot mess. And when you can't breathe through your nose, Bikram yoga is kinda out of the question.

When I finally got better, I knew that getting back to it would be hard. I knew I would have lost a lot of stamina and that the first 1-3 classes would be really hard. But I really didn't anticipate how hard getting back would be. I mean I lost a LOT of stamina. Basic things I just can't do any more. I need to take a lot of breaks. I'm getting dizzier now than I ever have before.

And it's all really frustrating and discouraging. I'm not sure if I'm working out some toxins or what. But it's really bumming me out that I can't do what I just did not too long ago. As I direct my focus forward towards the mirror, more often than not, I really don't like what's looking back at me. Not what's inside, but the body that houses it. Sometimes I get so upset, it makes me want to cry. It's kind of making me hate my body (more), which is the exact opposite of what yoga is supposed to do. I'm in a rut and I don't know how to get out of it.

warm up post

Yeah... so... I'm around. Hee. Here's a little exercise that will warm up the writing part of my brain again, courtesy of Dawn. Thanks, girlie!

1. What movie villain scared you as a child?
My mom was pretty good about not letting us watch scary things. Cuz she knew they would give us nightmares and therefore prevent her from sleeping. I don't remember a specific movie villain I was fearful of, but I do remember watching "Return of the Jedi" at the theaters and being FREAKED OUT at the monster in Jabba's pit. Generally I was afraid of the monsters who lived and partied under my bed and the owl outside my window that sounded like a ghost.

2. Name 3 things you can't do without lately:
Nightguard (I do grind my teeth at night!), Farmville (ha, that joke's on me), episodes of "The Dog Whisperer. That guy has the biggest set of cahones I've ever seen.

3. Do you take vitamins?
I take a calcium supplement and extra fiber. Otherwise nah.

4. How much of your family history do you know?
I know quite a bit about my mom's side of the family. Descendant from Prussian nobility in the 1600s, my ancestor fled to Ireland due to religious persecution and then made it to the southern states. "We" even have a castle and cathedral that I will see someday! In the more recent past, my great great grandmother was the first registered midwife in New York state (healing runs in the family?). I know almost nothing about the ancestry on my dad's side.

5. What everyday thing do you find utterly magical?
I'm going to have to go with Dawn and say my DVR. It completely changed my life.

6. What color is your couch?
Moss.

7. How many phone numbers do you still know by heart?
Maybe about a dozen? That includes several extensions in the hospital that I call regularly. But don't ask me to call any member of my family (except Daniel) without my cell phone.

8. What is the best way to beat the Summer heat?
Air conditioning or poolside with a cool drink.

9. What website do you spend the most time on?
Thanks to Farmville, Facebook. grrrrr Farmville.

10. How many songs are on your iPod?
2519. I would like to add 3 more.

11. Have you ever flown first class?
Just a few times and that was only because Daniel often has cases where he flies a lot and racks up the frequent flier points. Cashin in, baby!

12. Do you read the comments others have left on a blog or Facebook post before you?
Depends on how many there are. More than six, probably not. But recently on Facebook with all manner of political posts, I've been reading more. It's amazing how much you can find out about a person by how they discuss politics and how insulting they can be to their so-called "friends."

13. What is the furthest trip you've ever taken by car?
Santa Cruz, CA to Woburn, MA. We were supposed to end up in Sommerville, MA, but it was dark when we got there and we got lost. So we went to the nearest hotel and crashed.

14. What is the oldest item in your freezer?
Hee. I dunno. I rarely put anything in the freezer. Maybe the fish food?

15. When do you iron: all at once after doing your laundry? On an as-needed basis? Never?
I try to buy items that don't require ironing. It makes me really, REALLY hot and uncomfortable. I have mad ironing skillz, tho, so can do it if necessary. But usually if I have an item that needs to be pressed, I send it to the dry cleaners for pressing.

16. What color are your toenails usually?
I don't have a usual for toenail color. They can be a deep, blood-red, or bright green or aqua, or girly pink. Just depends on my mood and the season.

17. When did you last see fireworks?
January 30. At EPCOT. With Dawn and Daniel. (look like a familiar answer, Dawn?)

18. What do you love most about where you currently live?
Amazing shopping. Accessibility to major league baseball and Disneyland.

19. What makes you follow a particular blog?
Good, intelligent writing. Posts that make me think.

20. Have you ever seen a Broadway show?
Nah. I'm not much of a broadway fan.

1. What movie villain scared you as a child?
My mom was pretty good about not letting us watch scary things. Cuz she knew they would give us nightmares and therefore prevent her from sleeping. I don't remember a specific movie villain I was fearful of, but I do remember watching "Return of the Jedi" at the theaters and being FREAKED OUT at the monster in Jabba's pit. Generally I was afraid of the monsters who lived and partied under my bed and the owl outside my window that sounded like a ghost.

2. Name 3 things you can't do without lately:
Nightguard (I do grind my teeth at night!), Farmville (ha, that joke's on me), episodes of "The Dog Whisperer. That guy has the biggest set of cahones I've ever seen.

3. Do you take vitamins?
I take a calcium supplement and extra fiber. Otherwise nah.

4. How much of your family history do you know?
I know quite a bit about my mom's side of the family. Descendant from Prussian nobility in the 1600s, my ancestor fled to Ireland due to religious persecution and then made it to the southern states. "We" even have a castle and cathedral that I will see someday! In the more recent past, my great great grandmother was the first registered midwife in New York state (healing runs in the family?). I know almost nothing about the ancestry on my dad's side.

5. What everyday thing do you find utterly magical?
I'm going to have to go with Dawn and say my DVR. It completely changed my life.

6. What color is your couch?
Moss.

7. How many phone numbers do you still know by heart?
Maybe about a dozen? That includes several extensions in the hospital that I call regularly. But don't ask me to call any member of my family (except Daniel) without my cell phone.

8. What is the best way to beat the Summer heat?
Air conditioning or poolside with a cool drink.

9. What website do you spend the most time on?
Thanks to Farmville, Facebook. grrrrr Farmville.

10. How many songs are on your iPod?
2519. I would like to add 3 more.

11. Have you ever flown first class?
Just a few times and that was only because Daniel often has cases where he flies a lot and racks up the frequent flier points. Cashin in, baby!

12. Do you read the comments others have left on a blog or Facebook post before you?
Depends on how many there are. More than six, probably not. But recently on Facebook with all manner of political posts, I've been reading more. It's amazing how much you can find out about a person by how they discuss politics and how insulting they can be to their so-called "friends."

13. What is the furthest trip you've ever taken by car?
Santa Cruz, CA to Woburn, MA. We were supposed to end up in Sommerville, MA, but it was dark when we got there and we got lost. So we went to the nearest hotel and crashed.

14. What is the oldest item in your freezer?
Hee. I dunno. I rarely put anything in the freezer. Maybe the fish food?

15. When do you iron: all at once after doing your laundry? On an as-needed basis? Never?
I try to buy items that don't require ironing. It makes me really, REALLY hot and uncomfortable. I have mad ironing skillz, tho, so can do it if necessary. But usually if I have an item that needs to be pressed, I send it to the dry cleaners for pressing.

16. What color are your toenails usually?
I don't have a usual for toenail color. They can be a deep, blood-red, or bright green or aqua, or girly pink. Just depends on my mood and the season.

17. When did you last see fireworks?
January 30. At EPCOT. With Dawn and Daniel. (look like a familiar answer, Dawn?)

18. What do you love most about where you currently live?
Amazing shopping. Accessibility to major league baseball and Disneyland.

19. What makes you follow a particular blog?
Good, intelligent writing. Posts that make me think.

20. Have you ever seen a Broadway show?
Nah. I'm not much of a broadway fan.

milkaWHAT?

Some of my favorite commercials are the Etrade baby commercials. I love them all. Shankapotamus. Creepy clown. Vomiting baby. All of them.

Recently they came out with new ones and they're fantastic. One in particular is hilarious. In case you haven't seen it, see below.

Did any of you think of any particular Lindsay when they mentioned the name? No. Me neither. It's just a name. But Lindsay I'm-a-Stuck-up-Bitch Lohan thinks they were talking about her. Unbelievable, right? It's not like she has a name like Cher, Madonna, or Oprah. And so she's suing Etrade for using her name, violating her privacy, to the tune of $100 million.

Hey, Lindsay. I know this might be hard for you to hear, but it's not all about you. Far from it. I doubt anyone but you thought they were talking about you. So why don't you unclench your butt cheeks and laugh along with the rest of us. It'd be good for you.

open wide

I have a confession to make: until yesterday, I hadn't been to the dentist in at least five years. When I was a resident, I sort of had an excuse; if you don't get to take sick days, you certainly don't take time off to go to the dentist. But I could have arranged it if I really wanted. On the days I was post call (after being in the hospital all night), I could have gone in the afternoon. But after working 36 hours straight, sleep is more important than dental hygiene. Then when I graduated and started working, I had gotten out of the habit and just... let it go.

My avoidance of the dentist's chair goes much deeper than simple neglect, though. I have quite an extensive dental past. When I was in 4th grade, I was running, slipped and fell onto concrete. I broke my fall with my face and one of my front teeth popped out. I was able to be saved for most of my childhood, but not without spending hundreds of hours in the chair. I essentially had the equivalent of a root canal every three months on that tooth for several years. I got used to it.

Then in college, the root of that tooth developed an abscess, requiring that they pull it. Also requiring a root canal on the neighboring tooth. Because there was an infection there, they couldn't try to put another tooth there, so I had a removable false tooth there for a while. (That did wonders for my self esteem, lemme tell you. Also contributed to my ability to inhale food.)

Finally, I got the chance to have an implant. But because of the infection and lack of a tooth there, the bone where the root usually sits had been resorbed. I don't have the usual "bump" of bone under my gums there. They tried to put a bone graft there, which they got when they removed my wisdom teeth, but that got resorbed, too. So I have a permanent bridge. You'd think that all that time and money spent on my teeth would make more inclined to take care of them. I guess I was figuring I've put in enough time in the dentist chair for a while.

My new dentist said that my bridge is good for now, but they only have an expected life span of about 10 years. I'm on 13 or 14. She also said that I have no new cavities! Dodged a bullet on that one. I need to have two fillings replaced and some sealant put where my gums are receding, but that's it.

The hygenist who cleaned my teeth, however, was disappointed. I basically don't floss unless I have something stuck in my teeth. She showed the staining and had to spend a ton of time scraping away tartar. She kept remarking how much my gums were bleeding and that I needed to floss. The final verdict was that she wants to see me again not at the regular 6 month interval, but in 4 months. Oops.

From today on, I'm turning over a new oral hygiene leaf. I will floss. Not sporadically, but 95% of days. I will keep up with my cleaning appointments. I will save up for my new bridge and the periodontal consultation that I'll have to have before I replace it. Who knows... I may even brush my teeth after lunch.

job hunt

Here's the next installment in the saga for me to find work that pays money.

Two weeks ago, I went on an interview in northern California. The city is two hours away from the Sacramento airport, up a winding, twisty, two lane road. In other words, quite inaccessible to Daniel, who would be frequently traveling to see me from southern California. Other than the location, everything was wonderful: the hospital facilities were excellent, the other physicians (surgeons and otherwise) were young, friendly, and welcoming, and they were very excited at the prospect of having a young female surgeon join their ranks. In a few weeks, they will be sending me an offer letter. But I have to keep looking because it's just too far away. If nothing else turns up, I'll take it, but I'm afraid that I'll feel stranded. It's truly a rural setting; the town has no stoplights, one stop sign and a Walmart as the biggest shopping experience.

I have another interview this week in the Central Valley of California, which is where I grew up. The benefits of this job are immediately obvious; if Daniel can visit or I can't get away for a bigger trip, my family is close. My mom is ecstatic about the possibility that I could be an hour away from them. And that doesn't bother me; they understand that I have to work very hard sometimes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and, even if they offer me less money than the other opportunity, I'm going to take it.

You might be wondering... why is it so hard for a surgeon just out of training to find a job in California? The answer isn't simple, but a big part of it is that the California legislature, in it's infinite wisdom (insert sarcasm here), decided that it should be illegal for hospitals to employ physicians directly. So that means that I either need to find a large group of surgeons to join and they are going to pay me money, or the hospital has to give that group some money to help support me in the beginning. But this latter arrangement is how I got into the mess I'm currently in. The hospital just doesn't give away free money. They sort of make you an indentured servant for the "gift" of a salary. You agree to take this money, then you have to stay in the area for 2-3 years to pay it off. The problem is, if the situation is bad, and the year is over and you can't make money any more, you're stuck, or have to pay it back.

While I'm not looking forward to having to pay back a year's worth of salary, it makes sense in the long run to leave. Here's an example: I wouldn't stay in one place, making no money for three years, just to forgive a debt of $20 when I could go somewhere else, make $100 in the same three years and have to pay the $20 back.

These two jobs are unique in California in that they do not have the repayment part to working there. I get a salary and a W-2, just like most other people. In fact, I won't be agreeing to any more repayment options ever again.

fashion friday: nude shoes

One of my favorite things to buy is shoes. It's right up there with make-up, tied for first. Last spring/summer there was a great development in the shoe world: nude colored shoes. I am a huge fan of neutrals that are a lighter shade. Being so pale myself, black makes me look like I glow in the dark. So any shades from chocolate to nude are good for me. Here are a couple of shoes I've been oogling lately...

So many options! For jeans, summer dresses, flirty skirts... Now I need a job so I can go shopping!