women in medicine

About a month ago, I met with another younger surgeon to discuss my business strategy and to see if I could go into practice with him. Conversations between two surgeons must be entertaining to an outsider: we speak rapidly and are to the point, quite unlike most other conversations that are laden with innuendos, passive aggressiveness, and implications.

Towards the end of the conversation, though, he turned on his "talking normally" mode. "I want to tell you something that I've heard, but it's only out of a desire to help you be successful and get more referrals."

"Uh... ok. What?"

"Some of the primary care docs and ER docs are a little put off by how many questions you ask when they call you for a consult. I know in residency we drill them, and it's fine to drill their nurse, but you should just say, 'Thank you so much for the consult, I'll be right there.' You should be kissing these people's asses, not giving them the third degree. [pause] They don't need someone to be condescending to them, and believe me, I did that in residency, but these people are your life-blood."

I was stunned. I'm genuinely interested in my new patient. What are their other medical problems? What did the study show? What do their labs look like? These seem like reasonable questions. And as far as condescending? I don't talk down to anyone. I treat everyone the same. I may have been exasperated with an internal medicine resident while I was training, but it was rare.

There is one particular emergency doc I have a particularly good relationship with -- I'm not surprised she's female. (She'll even call me, not for a consult, but because she's stumped and would like me to brainstorm with her. I'm honored that she would think to do so.) One night, at the end of the discussion of the patient, I asked her, "Lucy (name changed), can I ask you a question? Do I... ask too many questions when you call for a consult?"

At first, she didn't get it. But then I recounted the conversation I had with the other surgeon a few weeks prior. Then she saw it all clearly.

"I see exactly what is going on here, Nichole. And I know which ER docs he was talking about. Let me tell you something: this is still a male dominated profession. And these other doctors that you supposedly ask too many questions of... they don't like be asked details by a competent female surgeon."

These pricks are too intimidated that I'm good at my job and I don't have a penis and they express this by talking shit about me by saying I'm condescending and threatening not to give me patients. Unbe-fucking-lievable. And the shittiest thing of all? I really do have to kiss these douchebag's asses if I want work.