My Thoughtful Spot

my contribution to halloween

My favorite secular holiday is Halloween. (Yes, I realize Halloween was over a week ago. And, yes, I make a distinction between religious and secular holidays; to me, they're apples and oranges.) I love the change to autumn decorations and that Halloween is the first of the holidays that will follow for the rest of the year. I love being able to dress up. I don't dress like a ho. You read my review for Portnoy's Complaint; I'm easily shocked and have no desire to ever appear in something inappropriate, no matter what the day is. I love watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," as I have for so many years. And I love the thought that on Halloween, a zombie infestation is as close as I'm going to get (hopefully).

Part of our Halloween tradition involves pumpkin carving. Years and years ago, we stumbled upon a pattern book with special tools attached in a local grocery store. We have collected many books over the years and have carved a good number of these patterns. One of the books included "shadow" patterns; a cut out you carve on the back side of the pumpkin that, when lit and placed against a wall, projects it's own shadow. I never really had time to try these; during residency, carving the front of the pumpkin was enough. But this year, I decided to try one of these shadow designs. Here's how it turned out:

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

The shadow didn't come out well, but my little camera phone did an ok job. I should have carved Mr. Hyde higher on the back side of the pumpkin so that it would look like he was coming up and over Dr. Jekyll. Mr. Hyde also has three fingers that look like he's trying to grab the pumpkin, which are completely obscured because I carved it too low.

Daniel never really cares which pattern he does, so long as he carves something. Here's what I picked out for him this year:

Ghost Stories

I spent about 2.5 hours on mine; the longest I ever spent was 4 hours on a haunted castle. My hand was tired after that! To help preserve them more than one day, we wrap the cut edges in plastic wrap and refrigerate them. That way they last 4-5 days. They start to shrivel up a bit, but when lit, they still look pretty good.

Did you carve pumpkins, or do you think it's just for kids? How intricate do you get?

30 day bikram challenge: day 9

Here we are at Monday again, and I can't tell you how glad I am to be back in the 6:00am class! I'm slowly accepting the fact that, because of the studio-wide challenge, all the classes are pretty full, but this one is the least full so far.

I fell asleep very early last night; after my practice yesterday, I ran around and did a ton of errands that I needed to finish and was completely wiped out. So when the alarm went off at 5:00am, I was ready to get up and get going.

Only time will tell, but I think I made an important discovery on standing bow pulling pose. (No one in class looks like that picture; all our knees are bent to some degree.) When you're standing on one leg like that, obviously you're going to make thousands of minute adjustments just to keep your balance. One of the adjustments I made, quite by accident, is that if I put a tiny amount of weight towards the back of my leg, the balancing is easier. I'm not sure if that's 100% correct form, but it worked and it was still hard, so I'll keep doing it until someone tells me otherwise!

And tomorrow? Tomorrow is double digit day, 1/3 of the way there day, and prize day!!! I can't wait to see what kind of outfit it's going to be! Will they have it there? Will we get to choose? Yay!

30 day bikram challenge: day 8

After yesterday's experience with that many people in class, I was trying to figure out a time when it wouldn't be so crowded. Most people go out Saturday night, so I thought going to the 8:00am class would be safe as most people would like to sleep in.

But, no! It was just as full as Saturday at 10:00! Despite that and the venison and wine I had the night before, I was pretty pleased with my practice. The instructor was great, too. During the second half of the class, she kept emphasizing the mind-body connection and training your mind to focus and relax, even if just for a brief moment, during the savasana, which is where you lie flat on the floor and let your body recover. She said that bikram is like a 90 minute, eyes open meditation.

I definitely feel calmer generally since starting this journey a week ago. I can't believe how far I've come in just one week of consistent practice. Now in addition to working on my poses and form, I will also work on training my mind to relax, which if you know me in real life, is a very hard thing for me to do.

I can't wait to see where my mind and body are at the end of these 30 days.

30 day bikram challenge: day 7

Woah was I right about the class being packed! I overheard someone who worked there saying that the studio capacity was 60. The class on Saturday morning at 10:00 was filled with 48 people. I should say 48 warm bodies generating heat in an already hot room. It was much hotter than usual. And triangle pose, again, kicked my ass.

I was able to meet up with my friend, though, which was surprisingly distracting to my practice. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, but we're not even allowed to talk during the class. Not at all. So what's the point, really? We were able to talk before and after, but that's about it. I actually felt bad that I couldn't attend to her more during the class, as she was having a rough week and struggling a lot.

Not that happy with today's practice. On to day 8.

30 day bikram challenge: day 6, part 2

Yes, you read that title correctly. I did two classes today. TWO. I've heard of people doing "doubles" before in a 30 or 60 day challenge and never really planned on doing any doubles. Sounds like sheer insanity, no? The importance of doubles in a challenge is that if you miss a day for some reason, you can make it up by doing a double on a different day, so you end up taking the same number of classes. For this particular challenge, they only allow you to do three doubles to meet the 30 class requirement.

So just how did I do a double only at the six day mark? In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned my friend who started the whole thing with me; the one who lost 10 pounds in three weeks and with whom I took my first class. All week we've been trying to go to the same class. But our schedules are wildly different and even when we could plan, something would come up and we'd miss each other. Last night, she mentioned that she'd be at the 4:30 class. Well, I wasn't sure if something would come up for me in the afternoon, as it often does (which is why I prefer to do it before work).

So I went to the 6:00am class as I already mentioned here. Then I started psyching myself up to meet my friend at the 4:30 class. I drank a ton of water, didn't eat anything after 1:30, the whole thing. I felt really good, too; not too tired and like I could actually do it. Around 3:30, I texted her and she said work got crazy and she was going to have to go to the 6:30 class. I haven't seen Daniel much all week, so I was planning on spending the evening with him, catching up on stuff. So the 6:30 class was out for me. But I was all pumped up to do another class! I went to the 4:30 anyway.

It seems that every class is different. Something I was able to do in the immediately previous class I can't do in the current class and vice versa. This evening I was much more stable in my standing head to knee pose and was able to hold the kick out (the middle picture in the link) for much longer than I have previously been able to. But triangle kicked my ass more than it did this morning. Weird. Also weird is that my teacher said that I practiced bikram in a previous life and that I have great form and concentration. Weird but cool compliment.

I'm finally going to get to take a class with my friend tomorrow morning! She said she couldn't do any earlier than 10:00am, which kinda worries me because I have a feeling it's going to be a jam-packed class. Should be interesting. And hot.

One last thought on the double. When the sun rose and the day began, I was doing yoga. When the sun set and the day ended, I was doing yoga. That's pretty damn cool.

30 day bikram challenge: day 6

I found out today what the prize at day 10 is: an outfit from Lululemon! I've never owned any of their clothing, but I see the girls wear it in class and the stuff on the website is really cute. I'm discovering that the workout clothes I have now don't really work well for hot yoga. Apparently, I'm supposed to be wearing "form-fitting" clothing so the teachers can better correct my form. My pants are relaxed fit, so there is room for my ample thighs without broadcasting their flaws to the world. And shorts are entirely out of the question. I will not subject the world to the cellulite currently present on my thighs (not to mention the fact that it makes me a little ill). That may change if I loose tons of weight, but for now the answer is a resounding NO.

So new outfit? Sure! That way I won't get suffocated by extra fabric on standing separate leg head to knee pose. That's the last thing I need when my breathing is often such a struggle.

Onto today's practice: I was out late last night (late for me, anyway, when I have to get up at 5:00), due in no small part to the fact that I got lost in a lovely coastal city in which I always get lost. I hate going there for that very reason; I just can't figure it out in my head. But that's where the book club meeting was, and, sure enough, I got lost. That fact notwithstanding, I didn't have much trouble getting up and felt pretty good going into the class. I had to catch my breath before the second set of standing separate leg head to knee pose, but was able to go through all of the exercises.

Of all the poses, though, I am absolutely stumped by one -- the locust pose. Your arms are underneath your body like you're doing a volleyball bump with your palms on the floor. And somehow you're supposed to lift your entire lower body weight onto your upper body? Go ahead, try it. I'll wait. Impossible! I asked the teacher yesterday and she said you're supposed to use your fingers and hands and try to push away from your head on the floor. I can see how that would help, but I just can't figure out how to do it. Maybe someday, like high school algebra, this will just click for me.

portnoy's complaint

Thanks to the move and all the other turmoil going on in October, I didn't finish the book for last night's book club. Well, that's not entirely true. Those things had a lot to do with it, but the other factor was the book itself.

I have heard of Portnoy's Complaint before; it's a common reading assignment in a college literature course and some universities have entire classes devoted to the works of Phillip Roth. So I was aware of its existence and that it is viewed as a significant piece of literature, but never had a chance to read it.

The idea of the novel is that you're reading a 30-something Jewish man's psychoanalysis session; no words from the doctor, you go every day, lie on a couch, and just free associate. Psychoanalysis was big in the 60s and is a specialty in psychiatry that is dying because of insurance companies and the expense of it all. So we hear it all; memories from as young as he can remember to the present day. The whole novel is simply hilarious; I read some of the opening passages aloud to Daniel and we were both laughing heartily. But generously (and I mean generously) sprinkled throughout are explicit descriptions of masturbation, sexual acts and even a three way between the Portnoy, his girlfriend, and an Italian hooker.

As we were discussing the book last night, my dear friend (who only recently joined the group) said that the funniest thing about this book was the picture in her head of me having to read it. Enough said. I was completely scandalized. I would read a passage in my office, shout, "Oh my GOD," and my assistant would need to read that section and then wonder what kind of sicko she's working for. (Not really, but only because we are also friends.) On more than one occasion, my hand would dart up to my neckline to grasp the imaginary strand of pearls. (Where did I learn to do that, anyway? I almost never wear pearls.) This is the other reason I didn't finish the book. I would pick it up to read and not be able to because I was still reeling from what I had just read. I couldn't take any more!

All that aside, I see why this book was such an important work at the time it was written. Not only did he openly discuss sex, but he attacked the Jewish and Catholic religions and discussed Communism. We are all constantly trying to balance out opposites or inconsistencies in our lives; too much food vs. too strict a diet, devotion to family vs. self-autonomy, etc. The interesting thing about Mr. Portnoy is that he was chock full of these same contradictions (and more) and wasn't able to reconcile a single one of them. Most people are at least modestly able to reach some kind of harmony between the polar opposites; not him. He was ashamed of his sexual escapades, but would seek out the most depraved thing to do. He constantly lamented being part of the Jewish minority, but always pointed out that Jews were superior in everything when compared to Gentiles. Those are just two examples.

I'll finish reading it, since I don't think I can be shocked anymore, and be glad to say that I've read it. I can only wonder what our next book will be like!

30 day bikram challenge: day 5

So my heavy meal and three glasses of wine messed me up a little, but not too badly. I had major issues with the balancing poses (standing on one leg and doing all kinds of twisting and pulling), but at the end of the standing series are my favorites: tree and toe pose. I actually did the best so far on toe pose, which requires all kinds of concentration. This is going to sound crazy, but it's almost like I had sweated out the toxins in the first part of the practice and was back to normal by the time we got to tree.

But this getting up at 5:00am is getting to me. I knew it would; it always hits me by Thursday or Friday since I need so much sleep. (I actually need about 9 or 10 hours instead of the average 7.5 to 8. Yeah, I picked the wrong profession.) As much as I hated to do it, I needed caffeine in the form of diet sodas.

I've been free of that addiction for over a year now. Sure, I'd have an occasional one, but I have not even come close to the level of consumption of where I used to be. And if I got close to drinking one every day, I'd recognize it and stop. The most recent office move was one of those times. There's got to be a way to do a 6:00am class and not have to suck down carbonated poison to stay awake for the rest of the day, right?

30 day bikram challenge: day 4

For days 2 and 3, we had the same teacher; a young girl from New Zeland who was a great instructor (and I don't think so just because she complimented me!). But today we had someone new. And man, did she mean business. She didn't give us as long a break in between the poses as the Kiwi did, which means less chance for me to catch my breath. And I learned my lesson about focusing on controlling my breath on day 1. Which means that I was late getting into some of the standing poses, especially on the second set.

But I did get through them all and she gave me a pointer on triangle pose that will help me in the future.

Tonight I may be out late and I'll have a drink or two and a heavier than usual dinner. I guess we'll see what that does to my practice on day 5...

P.S. For those who might be wondering, I'm not just going to post about my yoga practice all month long. I do want to capture my thoughts each day on it, but have a couple of other posts still trapped in my brain. This is an extremely busy week for me; we've had some serious commitments to take care of in the evenings and my book club meeting is tomorrow. Oh, and I haven't finished the book yet. So, no extra post today (must read!) but they're coming!

30 day bikram challenge: day 3

Today wasn't as easy as yesterday and I'm pretty sure it's related to the temperature in the studio. Not to mention the fact that I inadvertently placed my mat beneath a heating duct. I'll be looking up before claiming my space, that's for damn sure. I was a little disappointed overall; I got a little further in some poses, but took small steps backwards in more.

I was still able to complete all the poses, but I really needed to focus on my breathing to get me through everything. I also needed a few more minutes to cool down when class ended.

But as I was buying another liter of water to drink, I saw the teacher, who complimented me on how far my practice has come in just three days. I was shocked that she noticed and even more shocked that she really thought so.